Food Philosophy

Fail.

Disclaimer: I am not a nutritionist. I'm simply a research junkie obsessed with food, nutrition and exercise, and the stuff I've included here is based on applying what I learn to my life. I do not have washboard abs and my butt is kinda big, so you might want to seek nutritional advice elsewhere. Take it or leave it. (the advice, not my butt)

With summer upon us, I'm getting a lot more questions from clients and friends about what they should do to get pool ready. Many are putting the time in at the gym, but have hit a weight loss plateau. Sadly, the harsh reality is that if you want to change your body you have to change what you eat. I also have several friends who are interested in either trying out Paleo, or who want to tighten up what they are already doing in an effort to get improved body composition or health. The major question people ask me? What should I eat? Um...that's kind of a big one (That's what she said. Ha! Jesus, am I a 14 year old dude?). After talking a bit more, I find that my general response: real foods-meat, veggies, and healthy fat, isn't what they're looking for. Instead, people usually want me to tell them exactly what foods to consume at exactly what time.

My answer? I can't (and won't) do that. There may be people out there who claim to have the magic formula of macronutrients that will work for everyone, but from my experience, it's simply not that easy. Age, activity level, hormones, sleep patterns, goals....they all come into play. You have to start somewhere, stick with it for an extended period of time, and then assess the results.

Also, there are so many different versions out there of what constitutes the "right" way to implement Paleo. While its advocates will at the very least agree you should avoid grains, dairy, sugar, and legumes, if you talked to 10 people who say they are "Paleo" and ask what and when they ate, you'd get a variety of responses. People who follow this concept have different views on meal timing, the use of protein powder, how much fruit (if any) to consume, the importance of weighing/measuring your food, whether it's ok to include "Paleofied" versions of junk like desserts and pizza...it can be pretty overwhelming to sift through the information, and honestly some of the hardcore Paleo Princes and Princesses annoy the shit out of me. I've spent the last year and a half experimenting with different ideas (Zone, Zone/Paleo, Primal, Whole 30, Paleo w/a weekly cheat day, Screw Paleo I Am Eating Whatever the Hell I Want (my own creation) ), and I've finally settled into a pretty comfortable routine. I know what to do in order to look and feel my best without being batshit crazy and neurotic. Sometimes I do that and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I wake up on Monday and look 20 pounds heavier because of excessive carb and alcohol consumption over the weekend. Sometimes I get way too strict and have to check myself. Like many women, it's been a constant battle to find that happy place, but for the most part, my basic rule of thumb is to eat stuff that was living or growing at one time and avoid stuff with packaging and labels. If it doesn't have an expiration date, it doesn't belong on my plate. I was gonna say "it doesn't belong in my mouth" but I knew I would get some smartass comments from some of my pervier followers. Anyway.

Ok, so what do I personally do? First of all, I'm not a food Nazi, so I do incorporate some non-Paleo food into my diet on a fairly regular basis. One of my favorite snacks is plain Greek yogurt, and I go through a container a week. I also have steel cut oats mixed with 1/2 scoop of protein powder and some berries now and then. And, because I'm a single mom with 2 jobs, I enjoy a bottle glass of wine or case of a beer when necessary. I've found that having these small allowances, along with pure junk like pizza every couple of weeks, prevents me from becoming too obsessive about my food and allows me to eat well 90% of the time with no regret. I no longer weigh or measure my food, have a set menu, or eat at an exact time each day; that was helpful to me for awhile, but then it just became annoying, and honestly I can eyeball things now and know how much is enough. I've all but eliminated almonds and almond butter, legitimate Paleo foods, as I simply can't control portions. For me, almonds are like potato chips...I find myself randomly grabbing handfuls throughout the day, and I can crush a jar of almond butter in 2 days by myself. Although some people might be fine with that, I become bloated and gain weight. Don't kill me guys, but I also refuse to eat the daily dose of bacon so many of my Paleo friends opt for. It makes me feel gross, and to me it's just not a quality protein source (sorry!).

In general, I usually eat 2-3 meals and 1-2 snacks per day, and I'm not picky about designating foods for certain times of the day. In other words, my first meal of the day may look more like a dinner. When I do snack, it's going to be something like turkey breast and avocado instead of pretzels or a granola bar. I also drink at least a gallon of water every day, along with an entire French press of coffee (oops), and about 1/2 a bottle of Kombucha a few times per week. I feel my best when I have red meat (usually a steak) once a week, and unlike many in the Paleo camp, I don't feel right unless I have fruit once per day. I love my vegetables and probably consume my weight in them each week, although some will tell you that you really just need meat and fat. Again, my body just doesn't like that.

So here's what's up. You've gotta change the way you think about food. It's not about good and bad, right and wrong, Paleo and not Paleo. It's about knowing you're worthy of consuming the highest QUALITY food sources and feeling your best. Don't eat/not eat something because someone tells you; do your own research, both in the form of reading and testing things out, and then go from there. Life's too short to starve yourself and feel miserable, but it's also too short to be overweight and unhealthy. You have to make a commitment to find the formula that works best for you. Eliminate the bullshit voices in your head, both the one who beats you down for food "failures", and the one who justifies your Pop Tart addiction, and find the sources that are going to effectively fuel you for life.

Next week I'm going to post a week's worth of meals so that you can visually see what things look like for me. I'm going to be real...I'm not going to put any extra effort into how I eat, so it won't be perfect. Until then, here are a few things I recommend EVERYONE try:

1.  At the very least, get rid of sugar for 30 days. This one move alone will change your freaking life. I will listen to people who argue and justify certain foods like legumes, but I think we can all agree that nutritionally, sugar does nothing for anyone. I'm not just talking candy bars; read  your labels. You'd be shocked at how much sugar some of your "health" foods like oatmeal,  yogurt, Lean Cuisines, and "fat free" snacks have. Get rid of all juices and pop, even diet. Fake sugars can screw with your metabolism, too. I actually recommend that everyone do a 30 day complete Whole 30 as a means for resetting your body, but I also realize this is very overwhelming for some.

2.  Each time you eat, put some protein on your plate (turkey, fish, chicken, grass fed beef, eggs...). Fill the rest of it up with vegetables. Add some healthy fats...EVOO or avocado to your salad, or cook your protein in coconut oil. Rinse and repeat.

3.  Sleep. If you don't get enough sleep, you're going to completely sabotage your weight loss efforts.

4.  Drink water. Like all the time. When you're thirsty, when  you're not...just do it.

5.  If you don't know what to eat,  if you're too busy to make healthy meals (*cough* bullshit *cough*), or if you're just sick of eating the same things over and over, pay someone else to cook for you for awhile. If you are in the Dayton area, I highly recommend Jeff from BellyFire catering. His meals are completely kick ass, affordable, and 100% Paleo. I pay him for 7 meals per week, and I flex between eating these for dinner or lunch. Not only is it as affordable as buying the ingredients myself, it frees up a ton of time I was spending prepping food each week. Most importantly, it has put some interest back into my diet; I was in a definite creativity rut in the kitchen for sure. You'll see more of what he has to offer when I post my food journals next week.

6.  Read this article: http://chriskresser.com/beyond-paleo-moving-from-a-paleo-diet-to-a-paleo-template. There are tons of great links embedded; make sure you check out the one about "Paleo Template vs. Paleo Diet." Good, common sense stuff.

7.  Eat mindfully. Every time you eat, make a plate. Sit down. Enjoy every bite. Standing in front of the fridge and cabinets and mindlessly shoving food in your face isn't eating; it's binging. It means you're bored, you haven't eaten enough throughout the day, you're emotional, or it's simply time for a good meal.

If you have more specific questions, send them my way and I will attempt to answer them for you!

xoxo,

Meg

Dear Future Husband

Dreamy.

For those of you elite enough to be Facebook friends with me, you know that I occasionally throw out a "Dear Future Husband" post, in which I publicly identify obligations anyone who intends to put a 2 karat modest ring on it will have to fulfill. Past posts have included such heavy burdens as: opening lids on jars, folding laundry, removing that nasty bag of stuff from chickens, and keeping the kids occupied for one hour each Saturday while Mama takes a nap.

Here's the truth: I don't know if I ever want to get married again for a lot of pretty serious reasons. For example:

*My closet is completely kick ass and organized just how I like it, and I don't feel like clearing space for polo shirts and shit.

*When I don't have my kids, it's basically completely legal and expected to sit around in my underwear and watch Real Housewives reruns and have oatmeal or beer for dinner; I really don't want to take any grief from anyone about that or feel obligated to cook dinner and be cute.

*As of now, if someone is getting on my nerves, all I have to do is say, "I have cramps..can you just come over and hold me?" and it's pretty much guaranteed I won't be bothered for a few days. This gives me some much needed "me time". It's a little trickier to have that alone time when you share a home.

*I can spend my money on whatever I want. For example, I still don't own a grill. I was going to buy one and then realized they cost as much as a pair of denim capris, 2 pairs of shorts, and 3 shirts from Express. Prioritizing a budget can be tough, but since my parents live 5 minutes away and my dad is the grill master, the choice was clear. I'm not sure a man would agree with such reasoning, but that's not an issue now, is it?

Now that I sound like a hopeless mess, I'm gonna go forward with this whole "future husband" idea, cause let's face it, there are times in life when you do wish you had a partner. For example, what if there were a Saturday night where you had nothing to do and therefore were forced to resign yourself to watching "The Vow" while eating cheese and crackers? Not that I did this, just sayin'. And I also definitely didn't watch while sporting the new hair and makeup ideas I discovered after 4 hours on Pinterest. That would be soooo lame!  Also, and I know it sounds irrational, but as much as I love my independence, I'm really scared of dying alone. I don't want to be the 90 year old lady they find frozen in her house and surrounded by cats (Regular readers: are you noticing a cat lady theme? Seriously...biggest. fear. I hate cats. Why would I suddenly own a bunch? Who knows, but these are the creepy thoughts that enter my head late at night). I don't want to be the person no one even realizes is gone until the grocery guy is like, "Hey, that old, yet still very hot, fashionable lady hasn't been in to buy her wine and cat food for awhile." NO! I want a man beside my bed, holding my hand, sobbing because I'm pure awesome and irreplaceable and he clearly understands the rest of his life is gonna suck without me. It would also be kind of cool if we made the news because he died of a broken heart a few days later. But of course I would hope he finds someone else and lives out his life in the best way he can.

Even though I'm not husband hunting, I am  happiest when I'm in a committed relationship with one person. Attempting to date multiple people at once is too stressful for me, but my luck with finding someone who thinks I'm the only one worth his time for an entire month has not been great, and that makes me wonder if I should even consider the possibility of ever finding someone to spend the rest of my life with. Yes, frequent followers, that means that "new guy" from my last post is no longer in the picture (Maybe I will share that story someday...it involves all the key elements for the great American tale: Facebook, lies, and a worn out blonde. But I digress.). I've decided that speaking highly of someone in a blog is like getting his named tattooed on your body: the kiss of death, and for that reason, current relationships shall no longer be discussed in this forum. I get lots of comments from friends about wanting me to go out with someone they know who is just perfect for me. If you are one of those well-intentioned folks, please forward the following to potential dates. If any of it is an issue, please don't let him waste my time, and more importantly, a good outfit on meeting him. I have episodes of Real Housewives to watch, you know.

Dear Potential Future Husband,


Congratulations! You now have direct contact with one of the most amazing eligible bachelorettes in the world! Or at least in Warren County! Ok...I'm definitely the best my subdivision has to offer. Before we go any further, let's keep one thing in mind: greatness comes with a price. So that you aren't overwhelmed by your potential responsibilities, please let me share what I bring to the table:


1. I own my own home and pay all of my own bills. (Oddly enough, this seems to intimidate some men, so if you are also one of those men looking for a helpless lady, moveon.com)

2. I'm a great mom and my kids are amazing.

3. I have the premium cable package

4. I shave, wear deodorant, and shower daily. #trifecta

5. Because I respect your manhood, I will always allow you to pay for dinner, mow the yard, and fetch my beer. You're welcome.

6. I'm a great cook!

7. I am far from physically perfect, but I do take care of myself and stay in shape. Also, you will also never catch me in mom jeans, Crocs, puffy paint sweatshirts, or any Disney character clothing.

8. Not only am I ok with guys night out, I encourage it. It gives me time to be with my girls, too.

9. I can recite Sylvia Plath AND Lil Wayne

10. I've never been convicted of a crime.

11. Which reminds me...I've talked my way out of 6 speeding tickets in the past year. Rolling with me is basically money in the bank.

12. 34 D. This should probably be at the top of the list, and might have something to do with #11. Anyway...


Ok, so clearly I'm a catch. If you can handle the following, we might be America's next Brangelina:


1.Take care of yourself. You don't need to be a god, but workout, please. Also, excess body hair is gross. Just sayin.

2. Please don't talk about yourself in third person. Please. I beg of you.

3. For the sake of keeping romance alive, there are certain things I should never see you do. The following should only happen behind closed doors: watching NASCAR and Fox News, using any DVDs from the BeachBody line, eating cottage cheese, and squatting to pick up something naked. #shudder

4. Any open praise of Sarah Palin or George Bush will not be tolerated. Nor will the phrase "Get er done" or the donning of jorts or socks with sandals.

5. I don't need anything special on Valentine's Day. Instead, bring home flowers on a random nights. Surprises are good, and you'll make my day.

6. I have to sleep on the side of the bed furthest from the door. This will ensure that if our home is broken into, you will likely get attacked first, allowing me time to get out of bed and out of the house safely.

7. I'm sorry, but you can't have sex with other women. I know...harsh.

8. It's all about EFFORT! Talk to me every day. A text saying you're thinking about me goes a long way. So does asking about my day. So do gifts with tags that say Coach, Tiffanys, 7/Rock Revival/Miss Me (size 4, please), Jimmy Choo (7.5), and Gucci.

9. Be a take charge guy. Yes, I'm independent. However, I want to be spoiled and taken care of, too. Plan our date nights. Make me feel special. I deserve it.


I look forward to our time together, Future Husband, but probably not as much as you are.

xoxo,


Meg

I'm Basically Nancy Drew. But Old.

Let's see now, where did we leave off? Oh yes, our heroine (that's me!) was in a vicious cycle of highs and lows with a wanna be playa playa. After a deep, dark depression that involved sweatpants, Summer Shandy, and a lack of Sephora products, she reclaimed her life and got back on track (she thought). However, there seemed to be no good way to bring closure to their "relationship". If you need the full back story, please go here. Everyone else...buckle up.

In the midst of the end of my mediocre relationship with an average white boy, I wondered the best way to pick up the pieces of my shattered life and move forward. I refused to give up on love, or at least on finding someone to take me to dinner and tell me I'm pretty now and then. Do I start a new Match.com account? Do I attempt to find love in da club? Do I wear some Daisy Dukes and head out to the next gun and knife show? I pondered these questions and more and listened to sweet, sweet ballads such as "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion and "How to Love" by Lil Wayne for inspiration. I got my hair highlighted, my eyebrows waxed, and kept up on my spray tan. I was empowered. The world (or at least the greater Dayton area) was basically mine for the taking. I couldn't be stopped.

In the meantime, like clockwork, Dreamy re-entered the picture. Again and again. Only this time, it did nothing for me. I knew it was a dead end, but for some reason I had this desire to get answers, to figure out why I was never good enough, why he never wanted me, and what I had done wrong. There were some back and forth exchanges every so often, even though I knew it was pointless. Still, I felt like I had been mind effed for so long I couldn't give a new situation 100% of myself without bringing closure to the old one; I just didn't know how to make that happen. I thought things were finally over multiple times (have I mentioned I'm really bad at confrontation/being assertive?), but he kept reappearing and I kept engaging him.

And then I received a text from a friend that read, "I think I just saw someone you know on Match. Haha!" I immediately knew who she was talking about, and my stomach lurched. Not because I was being cheated on (we weren't together), but because it confirmed what I already knew: he had never wanted me. He had been searching for someone better all along, probably since Day 1 when I thought things were "good". He had never intended to have a relationship with me, and I. Was. A. Dumbass. I don't care who you are...realizing your own stupidity hurts. I confirmed some details, and she apologized for breaking the bad news. I explained it wasn't bad news at all and thanked her for giving me the guts to get mean.

I immediately called him out. I told him that I didn't understand why he was continuing to try to keep me from moving on when clearly he was searching for something better. His reply? That happened a long time ago (so apparently you also hit on ANOTHER friend, cause this one never said she knew me or replied at all). He was confused. He didn't know what he wanted. I had always put so much preeeesssuuurree on him. Really, dude? You're freaking 40 years old. The name of the game is choose it or lose it, and he had lost it. Me. Whatever. In short, I explained that if he didn't know what he wanted after 4 months of dating, clearly it wasn't this girl. For the 1000th time, peace out, Boy Scout. He didn't respond. For a little while.

I was tense, because I knew it wasn't over. If there's one thing I've learned about a narcissist, it's that he's gotta control the situation and get the last word. No way was it ending because I said so. And, as usual, I was right. He texted me, you know, just to ask about my day (avoid real issues much?), and I opened the can of worms by throwing Match.com in his face. He replied in his typical way: by calling me a smartass (thank you) and making me sound neurotic and crazy. Here's part of our conversation, with a little commentary thrown in for your entertainment:

Me: Listen, you've made your decision with me. I've accepted it and I'm good. Don't play me out like I'm dumb. Eventually you'll find the right girl and quit looking. I wasn't her and that's ok.

Him: That's great. But I don't understand why when things seemed to be going fine you find a way to interrupt them and why you put words in my mouth.

Me: If things were going fine you wouldn't have been trolling online for other girls...Like I said, I'm fine. I'm not going to punch you in the face if I see you out, but it's safe to say the dating aspect is over.

Him: So you get disconcerted because someone tells you they saw my profile. And the fact that someone sees my profile means anything at all? Back to my earlier point-you give up too easily. You allow yourself to get knocked off your mark. I did nothing wrong and I'm not going to try to give an explanation when I did nothing wrong. This has happened before and I'm sure would happen again.

Me:  So you aren't actively using Match.com?

*We interrupt this conversation for a secret...as he and I were talking, I was also texting the friend he approached online, and she sent me a screenshot of his profile. I was horrified by what I saw. Did he seriously check the "toned and athletic" description??? What a liar!!! Ok, seriously, the scumbag's profile showed "Online Now! IM me!" at the very same time he was texting me and trying to make me sound like I was crazy and suspicious and the cause for us never working out. She and I continued to text throughout the entire ugly scene. It was awesome. Sooo....any guesses to how he will answer my question? Duh!

Him: No, and what if I was? (smack yourself now if that surprised you) What's next, you start going through my phone? I don't and never would check up and you or concern myself with whom you talk to or what you're doing. I guess we are just different where that is concerned. And you just jump to conclusions and everything. Oh and then put words in my mouth.

Me:  Haha...wow, Sweetie. It's not checking up on you. She came to me with it. And you're right. We are very different. You have never been open with me. You've always held me at arm's length and refused to let me get close. I'm tired. Blame me if you want, but we both know the truth.

Me:  Wow...it's taking awhile to respond...what are you doing? (I'm having fun at this point...evil)

Him: Making food (is that what they call creeping online these days? huh.).

Me: Ohhh...sorry.

Him: I have been completely honest with you (Bahahaha). You go from being completely fine to screwed up at the drop of a hat (God I'm such a bad person).

Me:  I so appreciate your honesty. However, I feel we have very different versions of "going well". I'm sorry I screwed up (shit's gettin' deep).

At this point I sent him the picture of the screenshot, showing that he was actually on match.com at that time. "You dropped the bomb on me...baby..."

Me:  Enjoy your dinner, love.

Him:  Meghan, I'm not fucking on there right now. It's fine. You win. Good luck to you I won't be in contact anymore (you don't say...).

Me: Nothing to win. This is your game....I let you play it out. You got exactly what you wanted. I have no hard feelings. I really liked you, but now I just feel really sorry for you.

Him: Goodbye.

And you know what? Even though it's been over for both of us for so long, I know it really is goodbye at this point...He's finally going to leave me alone because he never wanted me, he only wanted to play games. He overplayed his hand, game over, and now he's going to have to get his rocks off thinking some other girl is sitting around and waiting to hear from him. I meant what I said; I do feel sorry for him and anyone else who is that emotionally removed from life. I pity anyone who is so focused on playing games he can't put his heart out there and give and receive love. I don't think he will ever understand true happiness, because it takes fucking courage to be happy, and people who lie and manipulate and pretend to be something they aren't lack courage. He simply doesn't have the guts to risk putting his faith on one girl and quit searching for the next best thing. I'm sorry, but if you're 40 and have never been married, never had a long term relationship, never lived with anyone for an extended period of time, and generally can't commit to one person, you have issues, whether they're psychological in nature, a result of immaturity, or stem from the desire to redeem yourself for being the guy the girls ignored in high school. (Note: This is not true for those who have been incarcerated for the majority of their lives, are painfully shy, were prisoners of war through their 20s and 30s, or live alone in the wilderness. Your excuses are justified, guys.)

Are you  feeling sorry for me yet? Well don't cry for me, Argentina.


I forgive him completely. I'm not saying this because I want to seem like a big person; I'm not. For awhile I definitely considered taking the toothbrush he left at my house and using it to leave DNA samples at a crime scene, and briefly thought plastering flyers with his face and a warning label in all the girls bathrooms in the Cincinnati area would be fun. I'm saying it for selfish reasons, because I need to in order to move on and be happy. You see, not too long ago, right about the time I was trying to decide what to wear to the gun and knife show, I got an email from a guy I met on Match before this last debacle. He and I had exchanged emails, but never met, and I started dating Dreamy and he started dating someone else, too. Ironically, both relationships ended around the same time, and he wondered if I would be interested in meeting. Not gonna lie...I was fairly bitchy. I explained that I was burned out and wanted no part of a relationship. He understood, and suggested we just meet for lunch, chat, and people watch. I agreed. Well played, new guy.

It was, and continues to be, great. He's a good guy. He talks to me every day. He gives me compliments. He respects me. He WANTS to see me, and he tells me so. His background check came back clear. He gives me advice and he offers to help me and he tells me things are going to be ok when I freak out. He earned major points for putting me in my place when I got attitude last week. I think I might like him a little bit. I almost blew a chance at moving forward with him because I was too engaged in the past, but he stuck with me. I don't know why, but he did.

So there you have it. An ugly, yet interesting chapter to my post-divorce dating life is over, and is usually the case with such things, I'm a better person for it. And for the first time in I don't know how long, I am spending time with someone who deserves it, and I just want to have fun and see what happens. So Dreamy, if you're reading this, best wishes, kid. And in the words of the great Drizzy, "May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you, and heaven accept you. Take a shot for me." Deuces.

xoxo,

Meg

The Climactic Conclusion of the Suckfest Known as Match.com-Part One

Oh my, dear hearts. I am "that girl". The one that the universe seems to be punking quite often. Maybe it's because I expose myself (not like that, pervs) to too many people. Maybe it's because I can laugh about it and share it with you. Maybe it's because I had a completely kick ass former life and I'm paying my dues now. Regardless, I need a reality show, 'cause if cameras would've been following me for the last few months, we would've had a year's worth of material.

If you haven't been following along, I joined match.com in late fall. I have since deleted my account, for reasons outlined here, here and here. It hasn't been a complete disaster (more on that later), but my basic perception of 90% of the men on match.com is that they're either looking for a baby mama, a booty call, or are so completely emotionally dysfunctional and full of mommy issues that they should not even be allowed to speak to any respectable female. Note: this might be a fair assessment of 90% of the general male population, so no hate towards the dating website.

So here's Part One of the latest. I'm going to start you off with a basic timeline so that you have the back story, which is almost as good as the actual story:

*I met a guy from Match in December, and unlike the previous guy, he didn't get engaged to someone else a couple weeks after our first date (bonus). He was easy to get along with. He seemed excited to talk to me and see me. He sent me flowers. He was employed. He didn't spit when he talked. He didn't smell bad. He didn't own a cat. He only stared at my boobs a little. He didn't smoke meth. He's allowed to live within 200 yards of schools and playgrounds. Clearly I'm a girl with pretty high standards, and so finding such a man is what dreams are made of. We continued to date and I suspended my Match profile (aaannnddd...thought he did too...key detail alert). I mean, why keep looking when you're doing just fine?

In reality, I probably would've been the "holder". #beast



*After a few weeks, things got sketchy and Dreamy McDreamerson fell off his game a little. I would only hear from him every few days, he seemed distant, and when we did talk, it was weird. We didn't talk about things with any sort of meaning or substance, just the "how was your day" stuff that usually doesn't happen until marriage, 20 lbs, and a couple of kids. It was pretty clear to me that he had lost interest, and we had "the talk", the one where you agree you  "just want different things" (Translation: one person wants to pursue something more serious and the other wants to play grab ass with half the tri-state area. Guess which one I was?). We came to a mutual understanding that there were no hard feelings, but it was NOT a match.com (please read in Maury Povich voice).

*Ok I lied. I did have hard feelings. I felt betrayed by all the assholes on the Match.com commercials. Yes, maybe I answered the 2507 questions in 15 minutes, but STILL. Why, after 8 weeks, had I not found Mr. Right???  I determined I was destined to die alone, watching old episodes of Saved by the Bell, surrounded by cats. I wore baggy sweatpants and drank a lot of beer. I quit getting manicures and didn't even use a lash primer before putting on mascara (this is clinical depression status for me). I booed and threw beer cans at the TV while watching Lifetime movies (just kidding...canned beer is sick).  I listened to sad songs while I reflected upon all of the magical times Dreamy and I shared. Would I ever have someone tell me I was high maintenance for asking for a cup of coffee ever again? Was another man capable of calling me an airhead? Who else would tell me that stupid questions are for Google? There was no guarantee, and that frightened me.

It was a rough 3 days, but I somehow pulled myself out of that dark, dark place. I shed the big sweatpants for some fancy stretchy yoga pants, traded the beer for wine, slapped on some lip gloss, and continued my search for Mr. Right Now. And by "continued my search" I mean I walked sloooowly by the Friday night wine tasting at Kroger with a cart full of items that screamed "I'm fun and single!" (Almonds, wine, bacon, People Stylewatch magazine, and a label maker in case you want to copy me. You're welcome.).

First I was super sad



Then I was like, "I'm going to Kroger!"

*Dreamy eventually came to his senses and returned. Because Kroger wine tastings are apparently for senior citizens (all of them married...I'm totally down with the silver foxes FYI), and because I was dumb enough to believe that things would be different, we continued the on/off dating cycle for while, with him sending mixed messages, me being clueless about where he stood but being too nervous to ask, and him breezing in and out of my life at his convenience. Each time I become less patient, and realized that in all reality, although having someone sit next to me and play "Draw Something", watch NASCAR and text other people during the little time we spent together was a pretty big turn-on, maaaaybe this wasn't going to get any better (I'm pretty intuitive). In fact, as much as I joke, I was starting to feel insecure, emotional, and worthless. I was clearly being played out, and it was getting old. After he failed to talk to me for days, during which time I was going through some pretty major health issues, I finally got fed up and deleted him from Facebook and Twitter (oh. fucking. snap). I didn't hear from him for a month, and I figured that was that. Then I got a drunk text. And I'll be damned if I'm not a sucker for those. #princecharmingalert

*We had a big talk. It's not me. It's him. He really likes me, he just "hates relationships". Ok, pause...saying you hate relationships is like saying you hate puppies. Or beer. Or Justin Timberlake. Or anything by Gucci. Can't. Compute. I'm not looking for another ring, mister; I still have the old one to sell. I just want to know if I'm the only one who's tryin' to be the only one. I shared my concerns with my therapist, and our conversation went something like this: My doctor: Sweetheart, he's a narcissist with sociopathic tendencies. Me: Sooooo...if I had kids with him, is that, like, hereditary???? My doctor: We're increasing your meds.

*I decided I was finished with him. For realsies this time.

In our next installment, The Return of Dreamy, I will try to figure out why, even though he clearly didn't care for me, I found this guy back in my life. How do I know he didn't care, you ask? Why am I not giving the poor guy the benefit of the doubt? Well, besides the fact that I'm smarter than a shoe, there's this fun fact: At the same time he was trying to weasel his way back into my life, he was hitting on one of my good friends on the same dating website where he and I met. She recognized him and filled me in. I couldn't make this stuff up, Loves. Stay tuned to see how two hot, fresh, Nancy Drewish ladies flip the script and trap a 40 year old man in his lies.

Girl power til the end, bitches.

xoxo

Meg

Summer Boot Camps!

Centerville CrossFit Outdoor Summer Boot Camps

June 11-July 20

Waynesville Park: M/W/F, 6:00-7:00 am

Centerville (location TBA): M/W/F, 8:00-9:00 am

Join us for 6 weeks of workouts that will take your fitness to the next level. Each hour long class will be a different combination of cardio, body weight, kettlebell, dumbell, and med ball exercises. All workouts will be scalable, so whether you’re an exercise novice or a total gym rat, expect to be pushed like never before.

This summer we have two options for our clients:

 Option 1: Basic Boot Camp: $150

This is a good option for the client who feels comfortable with his/her current nutritional plan, and whose goals are focused on losing a minor amount of weight or who simply want to increase strength and endurance

*18, one hour classes

*Measurements/body fat analysis at weeks 1, 3, and 6

*Boot Camp t-shirt

*10% off all future Boot Camp classes at CCF 

Option 2: Beast Mode Boot Camp: $200

This is the option for those who want to increase strength and endurance, lose a significant amount of weight, and who are ready to establish nutritional habits that will allow them to continue progress for the long haul.

 *18, one hour classes

*Measurements/body fat analysis at weeks 1, 3, and 6

*Boot Camp t-shirt

*20% off all future Boot Camp classes at CCF

*One-on-one session during week 1 to establish goals and take “before” pics

*Packet that will include valuable information regarding nutrition, goal setting, recipes, and more

*Food journal and weekly check in with your trainer

*One-on-one session during week 6 to evaluate progress, set new goals, and get “after” pics

Add-On to Either Option: Kitchen Make-Over: $75

 Session 1: Your trainer will come to your house, assess your current food supply, and generate a one week meal plan/shopping list

Session 2: Your trainer will take you to the grocery store, teach you the ins and outs of healthy shopping, and then return home to help you prepare your food.

For questions or to register, contact me at meghan@centervillecrossfit.com

Learning to Quit

I'm sure at some point you've been asked, "What's your biggest regret?" If you're like 90% of people I know, you respond with the typical, "I have no regrets/everything happens for a reason/every mistake has made me who I am today." Holy bullshit.

If you claim to live a life with no regrets, you are probably in denial, or you haven't fully lived, loved, or taken any chances. You can't tell me you don't regret hurting someone at some point, or not taking a kick ass job when you had the chance, or letting someone you love walk out of your life. To me, regret doesn't mean sitting around and obsessing about what could've or should've been; rather, it's a realization of "I f***ed up." You recognize it, learn from it, grow, and move on. In my opinion, regret is what drives some of us to evolve into better people.

I recently read this article, in which the author, a palliative care nurse, outlines the top regrets expressed by her patients in their final stage of life. The reasons were similar in that each directly addressed the happiness of the individual. There was no mention of money or material wealth (in fact, many regret working so much); instead, the responses dealt with emotional happiness and the fostering of quality relationships.The article really made me think: if I found out I had only weeks to live, what would be my biggest regret(s)? Framing that earlier question about regret within the context of  your final days will likely change the views of all my "No regrets, bitches!!!" friends.

I'm a person who believes time is precious and shouldn't be wasted. I fill my days with work, work, work, but I'm beginning to realize it's not just about the quantity of things I accomplish each day, but the quality of them, as well as the quality of people I choose to share my life with. And that leads me to my biggest regret: I wish I would've quit more.

You heard me. I wish I were more of a quitter. I can't tell you the number of times I've stuck with a situation or relationship that is creating drama and pain simply because walking away would be "quitting", aka an admission of failure. I look around at people I know and realize that I'm not alone in my behavior. There seems to be an ever growing abundance of martyrs and individuals willing to go down with the metaphorical ship because damn it, quitting is for losers!.

Many times we make excuses for our misery. We justify that many people have it worse than we do, and I don't disagree; I'm simply asking, is "not terrible" acceptable? I'll even go so far as to suggest that relationships and experiences filled with mediocrity and lack of fulfillment can be just as detrimental to your happiness as those which are outwardly negative. Look at your job. Your partner. Your friends. Your neighborhood. Is there a reason to stay? Or maybe, just maybe, are there things in  your life you need to quit?

Please don't take this as me telling you to give up on everything in your life that isn't perfect. It's not an implication that problems can't be resolved or that life doesn't have its ups and downs. But let's face it: when something has run its course, you know it. Therefore, maybe what we perceive as quitting isn't really quitting at all; it's acceptance. It's finally opening your eyes and acknowledging that you're dragging around dead weight that serves no purpose.So many of you have eliminated the toxicity from your food supply, but what about from other areas of your life? If you are focused in on the quality of your nutrition, why are you not so eager to demand quality from all of the other elements that comprise your day? Simply put, if you are aware of things in your life that serve little value, you should cut them loose and reclaim every precious moment they've been stealing. Spend it with the people you love, doing the things that matter.

So friends, I give you permission to quit that which does not add value to your life. I hope that someday, you look back and celebrate your risks, forgive your mistakes, and come to the conclusion that your positive experiences far outweigh any regrets.

xoxo

Meg

Pour Some Sugar On Me...

I get a lot of questions from people about the best way to eat to lose weight. My simple answer? Eat real food. If it doesn't have an expiration date, it shouldn't go in your body. Although your personal needs regarding macronutrients, number of meals, meal timing, etc may be different than someone else's, for the most part, if your diet consists of high quality protein and fat, as well as vegetables, and is free of processed crap, your body is going to respond and find its optimal weight.

For those whose diets are way out of whack and are resistant to a complete overhaul, I always recommend they do one simple thing: eliminate sugar in all forms. Obviously, get rid of the obvious sources (cookies, candy, soda), but you may be surprised at the hidden sugar found in packaged products. Additionally, I would encourage you to get rid of your diet pops and energy drinks that have artificial sugars in them, as they can be detrimental to your weight loss as well.

Take the time to watch the following video and see why sugar is now being recognized as not only a hazard to your waistline, but to your overall health as well, as it is being called a toxin (read: poison).

If you're looking to make big changes in your health, I challenge you to go 30 days sugar free, and I mean FREE! Don't just quit eating desserts (although that's a great start), but start reading your labels and get rid of everything that contains real and artificial sugar. Here are some resources to help you out:

http://www.kitchendaily.com/2011/06/07/food-lies-10-healthy-foods-with-hidden-sugar/

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/video?id=7816815

If you don't look and feel better, I owe you a plate of chocolate chip cookies ;-)

xoxo

Meg